To be, or not to be...depends on where you are from.

When I first started attending Shippensburg University, located in scenic Shippensburg, Pennsylvania, I noticed an interesting grammatical phenomenon. People tended to leave off the "to be" in their sentences that include the word "need". I will never forget the first time I heard (or rather didn't hear) it, a girl in my Eng 111 class stated her dorm room wall "needed painted". I'm pretty sure my head cocked to the side like a dog who wasn't sure they heard you right the first time. Is this really an acceptable turn of phrase? Would one use this type of phrase in a term paper?

Since then I have been acutely aware that there are people all over who just don't use the "to be" in their sentences. The dog needs walked. The lawn needs mowed. The trash needs taken out. Old people, young people, educated people, not so educated people, doesn't matter. I married someone who uses these types of phrases about half the time and this morning Madeline told me her "backpack needs washed".

Awesome.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the flesh eating aliens bite.

Last night I finally turned off the tv sometime around midnight and as I rolled over to get comfortable I wondered what tonight's night terror would consist of. Would there be small aliens inside me trying to kill me (Joe is usually in on this plot by the way, what a dick)? Would one of our children be in grave danger? Would there be a litter of newborn kittens tangled in my bed covers, suffocating? Would the ceiling fan be preparing to descend on me in one sinister spin? Is my brother in grave danger again?

One never knows with night terrors.

Sure enough, at 12:48 I leaped out of bed, panicked that something had burrowed under my skin and was heading toward my heart valves. (Too much Anatomy class, perhaps?) I scrambled to the bathroom, turning on all of the lights in the process. Once I assessed the situation I realized it was just a night terror. Crawled back into bed, exhausted and embarrassed, apologizing to Madeline who was sleeping in my bed and was wondering what the hell was going on.

The first time I had an episode I was 8 years old and my father was sure someone had broken into our home and was killing me. He raced into my room, settled me down (this is surprisingly easy to do) and I feel back to sleep. He didn't sleep a wink for the rest of the night due to the adrenaline surging through his body. Forward through the next 25 years, ruined sleepovers, waking up in hotel lobbies as a teen, racing out of strange homes at breakneck speed, locking myself out of our apartment, stark naked. Just some highlights! My "freakouts" are legendary among our family and friends.

At 8 they said puberty should cure it. At 15 it would be adulthood. At 25 they would certainly be gone by 30 (according to Johns Hopkins sleep specialists). And yet here we are. My husband is infinitely patient, but even he has had enough of me shaking him awake screaming bloody murder. Lightweight sleeping pills don't help, I think we are staring down the barrel of something along the line of Ambien or even stronger. These give me pause as I am currently the only adult in the house and would like to be functional in the event of an emergency.

Also, I wait for the night one of my children wakes with their first night terror. I hope and pray that this crappy affliction passes all of them by, but I'm fully aware that there is a chance one or more could be seeing the spiders come out of their walls too. At least I will be able to offer a sympathetic (albeit possibly crazy) ear...

Did you just say that?

Words I Don't Like
(if you use them, it doesn't mean I don't like you but it does make you suspect)

hubby
preggo
moist
creamy
slacks
uvula
grease

What words do you dislike for no apparent reason? Someone once told me that the sound of my name made them cringe. They liked ME but did not like my name. We are no longer buddies, shocking I know.

Honey do? Honey did.

Joe should be rolling in here momentarily from being away all week. He will leave again Monday at 4 am, lather, rinse, repeat until the end of July. So far we seem to be managing well, I am still feeding my children actual meals at dinner time (this may very well change when school gets out) and they are getting bathed with some regularity. I only mention this because I tend to "let things slide" a bit when I don't have anyone here to keep me accountable as a mother.

Today when I put Joey down for a nap I mowed the lawn (between the fertilizer we put down last week and 4 days of off/on rain it looked TERRIBLE and we were the last ones on the block with an unmowed lawn. Gasp!) and figured out how to use the gas powered weed wacker...that thing is AWESOME but next time I will use some ear protection. What? One of my neighbors stopped and said, "Letting Joe slide on his duties eh?" Uh no. Just trying to not be the asshole wife who has a laundry list of shit for him to do right as he gets out of his truck until he leaves Monday. "Glad you're home, please do this, this, this and that." As it is, we have a busy weekend ahead of us and I'd rather we all get to enjoy the great weather and time with friends/family as much as possible without a bunch of chores hanging over our head.

Also, I want him to be in a good mood when he has to take all three kids to Madeline's field hockey practice tomorrow. Keeping Anna from totally immersing herself in dirt and having to constantly corral Joey is a pain in the ass for an hour and a half. Have fun dear! I will be holed up in the testing center taking my final Anatomy/Physiology 2 test of the semester. Not sure which one I'd rather be doing...

Never Satisfied

I may be messing with the look of this blog, don't get confused if you get here and things look different.

I can't miss you unless you leave

For the next 3 months Joe will be working out of town, only returning home on the weekends. We have done this before although never for such a long period of time and not with 3 kids at home. A situation like this brings with it definite downsides, but there are a few unexpected perks as well.

Those of you who know Joe and I as a couple will understand that I don't really need to get into the reasons why this situation sucks. He is my best friend and I absolutely miss the daily laughter that he brings or the entertainment I bring to myself at his expense. As my mother says, "There's an ass for every seat" and he is definitely my ass. I would rather have him here than anywhere else, but that is not to be.

So, let's talk about why, if I HAVE to find a plus side to this situation, being without your mate for the majority of the week can be liveable.

1) Laundry. I dont know if it is actually the amount of clothing he goes through or just the size. XXL shirts, size 15 socks, and Joe-sized jeans take up a lot of room. My time spent washing/drying/folding/possibly putting away has easily been cut in 1/2.

2) Television viewing. No sports. No "I Survived". All the crap tv I want and I can watch from bed!

3) Sleeping position. Middle? Left? Right? Anywhere I please. I rule the king size and when the two girls sneak in at some point in the middle of the night, I don't even notice.

4) Bathroom maintenance. No need to elaborate.

That's about it. Again, just trying to make myself feel somewhat better about this crummy scene so why not look for the very small silver lining. And trust me, Joe definitely has his list of reasons why being a bachelor Monday through Thursday isn't so bad. It probably goes something like this...

1) Sara not making me be a constant part of The Sara Show. Seriously, don't ever marry the youngest child. Her level of attention seeking is legendary.

2) Watching all the sports and true crime shows I want.

3) Eating dinner at 5pm.

4) Oh, are the kids really being a handful tonight? Im sorry to hear that. Wish I could be there. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So there you have it. As an aside, he wont be off the hook forever. His job is in Virginia Beach. Guess where the kids and I are heading during the weekdays when they get out of school? Yayyyyy, let's all be a family in an extended stay hotel room!!! I'll bring the beer.

Ghetto Bike

Sometimes I'm not the most warm, fuzzy mom. When Madeline's bike blew a tread this week we went to one store to find a new tire. They had the right size, wrong color. It didn't even cross my mind not to buy it. Brought it home, Joe did his thing and the bike was ready for prime time. Madeline took one look at it and balked.

Two different colored tires.

OH NO! Certainly you can't ride a bike with TWO DIFFERENT TIRES!

The hell you can't. I come by this particular personality trait honestly, though I do my best to soften it somewhat. If you know my mother you know she didn't put up with this sort of bullshit from her kids. You got what you got, said thank you and pedaled off before she found a reason for you to cry. I have friends who would NEVER have purchased the wrong color tire for their kid, and that's a good choice for them. Frankly, I don't care what their tires look like, or the labels on their clothes/shoes, or who has what hi tech gadget. My kids are 6,4, and 1. We have some time before we start making concessions on what we allow/buy for our kids, until then my husband and I steer the ship.

"Stuff" isn't even on my personal radar much of the time. Don't get me wrong, I can drop a hundy at Target with the best of them, but usually a case of diapers/wipes eats up 30% of that. I do my best with my clothes, but prefer to knick things from my sister's closet because she has amazing fashion sense. Im happy with comfy jeans, flip flops and a nice tshirt. Add a cold beer and some good food and I'm in heaven. I drive an 11 year old minivan because the price was right and it hauls our stuff. When I accidentally whack the "uh-oh" pole in our garage, I don't cringe, I grin and say "We're here!" WTF, it's just a car.

So today when my sweet girl gets off the bus, I will do my best to get her back up on her two wheeler. I have a plan to tell her the new wheel makes the bike go faster...what can I say, my mom lied to us too.