Did you just say that?

Words I Don't Like
(if you use them, it doesn't mean I don't like you but it does make you suspect)

hubby
preggo
moist
creamy
slacks
uvula
grease

What words do you dislike for no apparent reason? Someone once told me that the sound of my name made them cringe. They liked ME but did not like my name. We are no longer buddies, shocking I know.

Honey do? Honey did.

Joe should be rolling in here momentarily from being away all week. He will leave again Monday at 4 am, lather, rinse, repeat until the end of July. So far we seem to be managing well, I am still feeding my children actual meals at dinner time (this may very well change when school gets out) and they are getting bathed with some regularity. I only mention this because I tend to "let things slide" a bit when I don't have anyone here to keep me accountable as a mother.

Today when I put Joey down for a nap I mowed the lawn (between the fertilizer we put down last week and 4 days of off/on rain it looked TERRIBLE and we were the last ones on the block with an unmowed lawn. Gasp!) and figured out how to use the gas powered weed wacker...that thing is AWESOME but next time I will use some ear protection. What? One of my neighbors stopped and said, "Letting Joe slide on his duties eh?" Uh no. Just trying to not be the asshole wife who has a laundry list of shit for him to do right as he gets out of his truck until he leaves Monday. "Glad you're home, please do this, this, this and that." As it is, we have a busy weekend ahead of us and I'd rather we all get to enjoy the great weather and time with friends/family as much as possible without a bunch of chores hanging over our head.

Also, I want him to be in a good mood when he has to take all three kids to Madeline's field hockey practice tomorrow. Keeping Anna from totally immersing herself in dirt and having to constantly corral Joey is a pain in the ass for an hour and a half. Have fun dear! I will be holed up in the testing center taking my final Anatomy/Physiology 2 test of the semester. Not sure which one I'd rather be doing...

Never Satisfied

I may be messing with the look of this blog, don't get confused if you get here and things look different.

I can't miss you unless you leave

For the next 3 months Joe will be working out of town, only returning home on the weekends. We have done this before although never for such a long period of time and not with 3 kids at home. A situation like this brings with it definite downsides, but there are a few unexpected perks as well.

Those of you who know Joe and I as a couple will understand that I don't really need to get into the reasons why this situation sucks. He is my best friend and I absolutely miss the daily laughter that he brings or the entertainment I bring to myself at his expense. As my mother says, "There's an ass for every seat" and he is definitely my ass. I would rather have him here than anywhere else, but that is not to be.

So, let's talk about why, if I HAVE to find a plus side to this situation, being without your mate for the majority of the week can be liveable.

1) Laundry. I dont know if it is actually the amount of clothing he goes through or just the size. XXL shirts, size 15 socks, and Joe-sized jeans take up a lot of room. My time spent washing/drying/folding/possibly putting away has easily been cut in 1/2.

2) Television viewing. No sports. No "I Survived". All the crap tv I want and I can watch from bed!

3) Sleeping position. Middle? Left? Right? Anywhere I please. I rule the king size and when the two girls sneak in at some point in the middle of the night, I don't even notice.

4) Bathroom maintenance. No need to elaborate.

That's about it. Again, just trying to make myself feel somewhat better about this crummy scene so why not look for the very small silver lining. And trust me, Joe definitely has his list of reasons why being a bachelor Monday through Thursday isn't so bad. It probably goes something like this...

1) Sara not making me be a constant part of The Sara Show. Seriously, don't ever marry the youngest child. Her level of attention seeking is legendary.

2) Watching all the sports and true crime shows I want.

3) Eating dinner at 5pm.

4) Oh, are the kids really being a handful tonight? Im sorry to hear that. Wish I could be there. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So there you have it. As an aside, he wont be off the hook forever. His job is in Virginia Beach. Guess where the kids and I are heading during the weekdays when they get out of school? Yayyyyy, let's all be a family in an extended stay hotel room!!! I'll bring the beer.

Ghetto Bike

Sometimes I'm not the most warm, fuzzy mom. When Madeline's bike blew a tread this week we went to one store to find a new tire. They had the right size, wrong color. It didn't even cross my mind not to buy it. Brought it home, Joe did his thing and the bike was ready for prime time. Madeline took one look at it and balked.

Two different colored tires.

OH NO! Certainly you can't ride a bike with TWO DIFFERENT TIRES!

The hell you can't. I come by this particular personality trait honestly, though I do my best to soften it somewhat. If you know my mother you know she didn't put up with this sort of bullshit from her kids. You got what you got, said thank you and pedaled off before she found a reason for you to cry. I have friends who would NEVER have purchased the wrong color tire for their kid, and that's a good choice for them. Frankly, I don't care what their tires look like, or the labels on their clothes/shoes, or who has what hi tech gadget. My kids are 6,4, and 1. We have some time before we start making concessions on what we allow/buy for our kids, until then my husband and I steer the ship.

"Stuff" isn't even on my personal radar much of the time. Don't get me wrong, I can drop a hundy at Target with the best of them, but usually a case of diapers/wipes eats up 30% of that. I do my best with my clothes, but prefer to knick things from my sister's closet because she has amazing fashion sense. Im happy with comfy jeans, flip flops and a nice tshirt. Add a cold beer and some good food and I'm in heaven. I drive an 11 year old minivan because the price was right and it hauls our stuff. When I accidentally whack the "uh-oh" pole in our garage, I don't cringe, I grin and say "We're here!" WTF, it's just a car.

So today when my sweet girl gets off the bus, I will do my best to get her back up on her two wheeler. I have a plan to tell her the new wheel makes the bike go faster...what can I say, my mom lied to us too.

Three kids enter...one mom leave.

Allow me to temper the rest of this post with the following statement: I love my children more than life itself. They truly are great kids and I can't imagine a life without them, they make me laugh every day. That being said...

Is it wrong to yell "So long assholes!" as they get on the bus? Spring Break was actually fairly manageable, we had visitors most of the week and went on some adventures, so the bulk of the week went relatively smoothly. It was those in between times...the time after 5pm but before bedtime...the times when I'm not heeding their beck and call...the times when I have said for the 368th time that day, "Please keep your hands OFF YOUR BROTHER!"...when I wanted to point the minivan (megafun!) west, alone, and just keep on gettin' it, stopping only for beer/soda/smokes/crack or to let my imaginary yellow lab out for a pee stop. (Hey, it's my fantasy, why not have a road dog and a crack habit?))

Wednesday night truly was like Thunderdome, I was sure one of my daughters was not going to make it out alive. Frankly, the odds were split even on which one it would be. Madeline is strong but she wimps out at the drop of a hat, Anna is weaker (for now) but I'm pretty sure she has an unlimited threshold for pain. You name it, they fought over it. Sleeping arrangements, seating for meals, who was looking at who, who was annoying who (both winners in this category!), bathing first, which bathroom to use, but my tipping point came when they were about to come to blows over who loved Joey more.*

Really? We want to punchasize each others faces over love? Let me solve this one for you. I love him more. Your love is weak compared to the love of a mother. Your love for your brother is like poking him in the eye compared to my love. So suck on that. And then they joined forces against the common enemy... me. Later I actually heard them in Madeline's room talking about how weird I was, and there was peace in the land. It only lasted the night, but I'll take it.

I clearly remember the day my sister and I decided to stop fighting because we needed to band together to deal with our mother, however that day didn't come until MUCH later for us (think ages 22 and 18) and the word "menopause" may have been the catalyst. (I'm just sayin', that's some scary shit there.)

I'm happy to see my kids having the occasional glimmer of camaraderie, even if it is against me. Not as happy as I was when they went to school this morning, but happy none the less.

*It was an understandable argument, the boy is awesome.

Parental Advisory

Also, I curse. A lot. No, I don't speak this way in front of my children. Yes, I kiss my mother with this mouth. And your mother too.

Practicing what I preach (inside my head)...

Today I became annoyed enough by the "stream of consciousness" type posts on Facebook that I decided to take my own mental advice and start a blog. I try to be mindful on FB that not everyone wants to see an update from me every 34 minutes, so I try to limit my posts to one update per day. (Two if I have seen or done something truly awesome/stupid) If you think I'm directing that comment at you, don't take it personally. I'm just not trying to clog anyone's FB feed up with "The Sara Show."

Sometimes I feel restrained by the size limitations of the update box, trying to cram my wit/stupidity/assed-off-ness in that small space is HARD for a wordy girl like me. I need to stretch my legs, need to move around a bit and really round out some of my stories/rants/theories with more space than is available on the 'Book. Maybe you would like to read along, comment or boo. Maybe you just want to peek in on me, roll your eyes and note to yourself that I haven't changed at ALL since birth/high school/college/work/yesterday...that's ok too.

I just need a place to air it out, get it fresh, and move on to the next thing.

Please feel free to comment, play along, add a little something, but note that I will delete posts that just make you look like a jackass. Get your own blog dummy.